Screen shot 2014-07-17 at 7.43.21 AMThe workplace can be both a stimulating, motivating playground, as well as a discouraging, disheartening obstacle course. How we internalize (or externalize) our environment and the positive and negative messages we receive everyday, has to do with our perceptions & levels of awareness.

The office can be an unforgiving place, and even women with healthy egos can fall prey to un-constructive self-talk (what I refer to as Masochistic Self Talk) when they are having a really bad day.

But, if you are lacking in self-esteem, or it can be easily shaken, it can be deadly — that’s when your internal sadist can wreak havoc with your confidence. Take a moment and see if these sentiments sound familiar:

Masochist Self Talk                                   

  • I’m too insecure to contribute to the meeting.
  • I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake.
  • Loosing my temper is a sign of weakness.
  • I’m going nowhere in this job.
  • Everyone is so much more experienced than me.

This kind of Masochist Self Talk is related to how you respond to constructive vs. destructive criticism, feedback, evaluations, assessments and office confrontations. This all correlates to your cognitive belief system — whether that framework is built to last or whether it has a wobbly foundation.

What is a Cognitive Belief System?

Screen shot 2014-07-17 at 7.50.13 AMA Cognitive Belief System is a mental process consisting of ideas, beliefs, knowledge and assumptions that an individual holds. It’s made of our world-view and determines how we take in and structure information received from everyone and everything around us.

If our belief system tends to be negative, that is the lens that we use to view your personal & professional life. If it is positive, it works the same way.

Belief-systemHow your office environment triggers or reinforces your belief system, for better or for worse, is what you are up against when we discuss masochistic self talk (or your inner sadist)—you don’t want to internalize and amplify any off-putting messages from management or from your colleagues.

With some practice, you can combat any Masochist Self Talk. Here are some statements that help to turn down the volume on your inner sadist:

Corporate Dominatrix Self Talk:

  • I was specifically invited to share my ideas.
  • No one is perfect, and I can learn from the experience.
  • Managing my emotions is a sign of strength.
  • I’ll volunteer for projects that are leading somewhere.
  • I can learn a lot from these people around me.

Learning how decipher between your authentic, confident voice and the doubting, unsure voice requires Corporate Dominatrix discipline. When you have a million thoughts in your head, focusing on which ones will give you strength, objectivity and control, regardless of the distractions that surround you, is essential for the survival of the fittest.

Don’t lose your cool, and follow these tips:

The Corporate Dominatrix Belief System

1)    Forgive Yourself and Forget It – Don’t play the blame game with yourself.

2)    Don’t Be Your Judge and Jury – Be fair and balanced, particularly with yourself.

3)    Nobody’s Perfect – Let he who is faultless cast the first stone.

4)    BYOB – Be Your Own Booster – If you don’t value and cherish yourself, who will? [Tweet this!]

5)    Get In a Mistress State of Mind – Practice Corporate Dominatrix Self Talk -Positive affirmations go a long way to silencing your private critic.

Dommercise: Start thinking about who and what you believe in ─ what are you waiting for? You might just learn to believe in yourself in a whole new way. Change your thinking for the better and you change your life forever.

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